I've been selling myself on the Internet for almost 7 years now. In my humble opinion the constant criticism is way more crazy making than blowing 5 dudes at once. It takes about a year before you truly grasp the extent of the maintenance required to keep a ho together. Here's a taste:

- General skin care and exfoliating everywhere the camera can see, so...everywhere. This step is vital to avoid pizza face from the heavy makeup, ingrown hairs and razor rash.

- Eyebrow waxes and shaving (legs, pussy and armpits). Don't forget the asshole girls, it's all connected. Somehow you need to do this every day while keeping your skin clear. #1 reason you hear "fuck HD" on sets.

- Tanning. Either beds a couple times a week or slathering it on right before a shoot. Reapply every 5 showers. Expect to shower 2-3 times per shoot day, sometimes more. I don't care how much you like pale skin, everyone benefits from a little bit of color on camera.

- Nails. You can have acrylics and never properly open a soda can or start a roll of tape without help OR go natural and repaint your nails for every shoot. Feet should be scrubbed, filed and painted to match.

- And then there's the hair. Extensions are vital for mainstream porn unless you have luscious Asian hair. Bleach, tone, extend, cut, repeat, MAINTAIN. If you want to stray outside the norm be prepared to listen to complaints and lose work.

- Every piercing or tattoo you get loses you money.

- If you do a BDSM shoot you're (ideally) required to show up with no marks, but be ready for complaints if you don't want to leave with any. For mainstream you have to worry about even accidental I-bumped-into-the-coffee-table bruises, scrapes, cuts and faint scars.

- Remember that if you show up to set with a zit on your ass, trailer park roots or a terrible outfit it will be on the internet forever. Seriously forever.

- It's standard operating procedure to douche with water before a scene. Then there's the enema process which is just a whole other kettle of fish. If you're performing on your period, shove a cosmetic sponge up your snatch and keep going.

If you manage the above you will have created the perfect blank canvas for the 15+ step makeup routine plus the hour of blowdryers & flat irons. When all is said and done every agent, director, model, PA and viewer will have an opinion. They will be given to your face, behind your back, posted in the comments of all your videos, emailed to you daily and discussed on forums.

In addition to the general criticism I think every performer has that 1 polarizing attribute, be it hair/makeup/piercings/tattoos. For me it's always been my hair. From red to blonde to pink then black, blonde, short, long...I change it often and never hear the end of it. All the opposing opinions can drive you nuts, but somehow you have to block all that out and be yourself because that is how you keep your sense of self and sanity in this industry.

For the record, this is not a complaint. I developed a thick skin to go with my rhino butt years ago. It's just an observation on what it's like being "public property" and earning your livelihood based on how thoroughly you exfoliate your crotch.

As I piece myself together before every trip I'm reminded what it's like to do all of this and still be too fat, too pale, too alt, and too tattooed for some people. More than anything I'm reminded just how little time is spent on the actual touching of genitalia. This is all I'm thinking about every time I get that "How do I get into porn?" email. Lesson one, embrace your inner Barbie.

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